Push and Pull
by callmecrazy83
Summary: Lily's strength and love saved her son. But how could it also have saved James and herself? And who said it was going to be easy? Two love stroies for the price of one.  Not the best summary. Chap. 2: Their 7th year train ride creates an agreement.
1. Chapter 1: June 1977

_Hello everyone. This is my first Potter fic, so please be kind. My continuation of this will be somewhat based on if I get reviews/ if I have time. Hope you enjoy! As always I own nothing, but dream of writing as well as JKR._

_August 1976_

James gripped Remus' arm and looked into his eyes with a desperation that shook Lupin to the core. "Take care of her, Moony."

Remus stuttered for a moment, "I will."

"Promise me, you'll watch over her," the tone was heavy and sad. "Watch over Lily," he choked on the name.

His words were simple, but Remus sensed more was going on. "James, I don't understand…"

Others were gathering around the port key. It was time to go. James looked at his friend with a pain and seriousness that seemed both foreign and unwelcome. "Promise me."

Remus placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "If it's the last thing I do. Yes I promise."

Without another word, James turned and walked away, quickly dissolving into a crowd of people.

_June 1977- Canada_

Remus Lupin was watching Lily Evans. He'd been doing it a lot in the near year they had been living together in Canada. Both had been pleased to find a posting there, even if the winters were rather cold. Lily was able to hone her skills as a potion maker, and Remus had been able to experience a new sense of freedom whenever the moon was bright and full. He'd watched her work, clean the house, create new potions, and read until all hours of the night. Most people would think her level of activity was a simple extension of her work ethic.

But he knew her better, because he'd also watched her closed door at night when she cried, debating if his knocking would be seen as comfort or an intrusion. He loved her like a sister, and was reasonably sure the feeling was reciprocated. But, in matters of heartbreak, especially between two people he held dear, Remus felt there was no good side to sit on.

This particular night, he watched Lily as she studied the moon. An owl had arrived earlier in the day, and he'd watched her read the letter in silence. Once done, she'd simply set the letter down, put on her shoes, and walked out the door. Curious, he'd picked up the parchment and read:

_Dear Ms. Evans and Mr. Lupin,_

_Though I hate to brake up your lives and the success that I'm sure you're having in your current pursuits, I must ask that you return to London. It would seem that the Dark Lord is building strength much faster the anticipated and your unique abilities will be needed in the coming fight. You mentioned before your departure that you would be interested in helping the cause, and I can only assume your offer still stands. I will expect to see you tomorrow by midday._

_Yours,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Lupin read the letter twice, and then sat back in his chair. What was Lily so upset about? So things were getting worse, much worse if they were needed back so soon. Wasn't that almost expected? And so what if they had to go back to England. Wouldn't it be nice to see old…

Then it occurred to him why Lily had run, and he shook his head a bit. He decided to give her space, and busied himself packing the few possession he had and cleaning their small house. Remus waited and waited, but became worried after the sun had almost gone down and Lily had not returned home. Grabbing light coats for both, he went outside.

He found her sitting on a rock, staring at the moon, eyes and cheek shining from tears. She looked beautiful like that, even if the moonlight made her seem small and vulnerable, not at all like the young woman who was known for her wit and strength. It was a few minutes before he found his voice.

"I wouldn't look too closely at the moon for answers. I've been asking her questions for years, and I still haven't gotten any good advice."

She smiled. "I was wondering when you'd come and look for me."

He sat down next to her, gently placing her coat around her shoulders. "It's almost dark. I was worried." They sat in silence for a minute, Remus thinking of the best way to broach the subject. "So, are you going to go back tomorrow?"

She looked over at her friend and gave him a concerned frown. "I don't like how that cut is healing." Lupin had gone lupine the weekend before, and had met with a female wolf who, in hindsight, seemed much less approachable. So Remus had come home with his tail between his legs and a rather nasty scar on his head. "Have you been putting the ointment that I made on it?"

"What are you, my mother?"

She began to poke at the imperfection. "Well, have you? It looks a bit infected and…"

He batted away her hand lightly. "Stop it, the cut is fine. You haven't answered my question though."

Lily gave an annoyed sigh, "Of course I'm going back tomorrow. Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Just how you reacted to the letter I thought…"

"I'm still up and ready for the fight, so don't think that I'm out here because I don't know what I need to do."

"I don't think that. But I do know why you're crying."

She was indignant, "Oh do you now?"

"You are out here because of James."

Lily put her head on her knees so her answer was very quiet. "Shut up."

"Do you need to talk about it?"

Lily jumped off the rock and paced. "What more is there to talk about? We've gone through this about a million times, and it doesn't change. He said he didn't love me, that he never had, and that it would be a mistake if we stayed together. He turned into the same James I knew before seventh year. So I left, and you came with. The end."

"Alright."

"That's the way things are, and they aren't going to change."

"Sure."

She glared at him. "You are no help what-so-ever."

The young man ran a hand through his hair. "Well, this is complicated. He was my friend first, after all, like a brother. Then you and I got close…What do you want me to say? 'Yes, yes, when we return lets beat him up and make him look stupid.' What, are we fourteen again?"

Lily cracked a small smile, barely visible in the night. "Well, you could have at least been a gentleman and _offered_ to beat him up for me."

Remus jumped from the rock, smiling broadly and shaking a finger at his friend. "There's my girl. There's my Lily." He cupped her face gently. "I don't know why he gave you up." Her faced saddened, but he refused to let her eyes leave his. "What I do know, is that being here has not made the reasons for his behavior any clearer."

Lily nodded. "I'm tired of hating him. I just want to be done."

He let go of her face. "Maybe this is fate's way of letting that happen." He shrugged. "Plus we get to fight evil. It'll be fun."

"Why do I get the feeling that you're excited about this?" Remus shrugged again. "Oh, I get it. You're excited because this means the Marauders are back."

He grinned shamelessly. "It might be a reason."

"The Marauders ride again. Merlin help us," Lily looked up at the moon, "Merlin help us all."

_June 1977- England_

Sirius Black was a loving and loyal friend, often to a logical fault. And he took great personal pride in these traits, gladly telling anyone within shouting distance on a drunken Saturday night a long list of things he would do to keep his friends safe.

Take James Potter, for instance. There was no one he was closer to in the entire world then this boy: his classmate, his friend, hell, really his brother. Now usually James was a good guy at heart, but he could be bullheaded and arrogantly stupid. And Sirius had stood by him through the stupid times, if for no other reason then if James was having a wicked thought then Sirius was probably having the same thought, only worse. But even this man's best friend was having a very difficult time understanding his comrade's actions considering recent events. Because over the past year, James Potter had been a world class idiot.

It all started when he had dumped Lily Evans out of the blue and broken her heart.

Lily Evans, who James had been sweet on for years before she felt the same. Lily Evans, who was kind, smart, beautiful, and could kick your ass. Lily Evans, who even a deaf mute could tell was the only person in the world for James.

When Sirius had learned that he had dumped her, Black first thought of consoling words for his friend. Those thoughts were quickly discarded.

"You irresponsible bastard!" He caught James in a hall, quickly pinning his against a wall, "What the fuck do you think you're doing dumping her? Are you mad?"

James met his gaze coolly. "I don't love her. Don't think I ever did. Just puppy love. Better to end things now."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to believe me for it to be the truth." James shoved away Sirius and kept walking.

"I still don't believe you."

"Fine."

"I'm going to figure out what's going on here." 

James turned. "Let it go, Black."

"No."

Now it was Sirius who was pined against the wall. "Now listen to me. Hard as it may be for you or anyone else to believe, I just don't love Lily any more. You need to let this go. Now." There was something burning in James' eyes, a deep emotion that made Black flinch. He released James, who went stalking down the corridor away from him.

They never spoke about her, and to everyone else it would seem that James had really moved on. But Sirius knew his friend too well. James Potter could drink his way through England and sleep with as many girls as he wanted, but these actions did not speak of a general lustiness. They were the actions of a man being chased by a memory.

The only evidence that Sirius had to his suspicions was a single incident. They had spent the day researching for Dumbledore, as they had done many times before, though it seemed that James was simply rereading the same page over and over. Per usual, Sirius suggested a drink, at a muggle bar no less, and his friend had allowed himself to be dragged along. Sirius was having a great time, chatting with James and a gaggle of girls in the corner. One girl even had a hand strategically stroking the back of James' arm, but the young man just looked uncomfortable, so he excused himself to the bathroom. Sirius was so wrapped up in a thrilling conversation with a young lady in a rather low cut top that failed to notice that his friend never returned. Thus when the young lady's large, angry brother came to their table and expressed his dislike of Sirius, the Black thought nothing of mouthing back, confident that James would show up at any moment. It was not until Sirius had verbally boxed himself into a place of no return that he realized James was not coming back. Soon, being in a muggle bar where magic was out of the question, he found himself boxing physically as well. Things didn't go well for either man involved, and Sirius went home with only cuts and bruises. While lying in bed in the early morning hours his throbbing head came up with an answer to his friend's odd behavior the day before.

It had been Lily's birthday.

But being a dutiful friend, Sirius had mentioned none of this, deferring to his liking of their present life style. So when the letter had arrived attached to a shaggy owl, and upon reading James face had turned from red to ashen, Sirius didn't worry. James simply walked to the kitchen, grabbed a beer, chugged it, and then read the letter again.

"Padfoot?" James called.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Dunno."

"Would you do something for me?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

James plopped down the letter in Sirius' lap, and without a word went to his bedroom. Sirius picked up the letter, which read:

_Mr. Potter,_

_I thought you would like to know that Remus Lupin and Lily Potter will be returning tomorrow to join our little group, as their services are now needed. They will be arriving through a port key at the Ministry's Atrium tomorrow. Please be so kind as to pick them up._

_Thank You,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Sirius sighed. This complicated things significantly. It wasn't like James to not do what their former headmaster asked, but in this case, he understood. "James," he called. No response, but there was a loud repetitive thumping from James' room which Sirius followed. He propped himself in the doorway, watching his friend bounce a ball against the wall. "James."

James responded with something that sounded like "huh" but it was hard to tell.

"I'll do it."

The ball continued to bounce. "Do what?"

"Would you stop bouncing that ball?"

"Why?"

"Because if you don't stop, I will find an orifice on your body and shove until the ball is secure."

"Right." James caught the ball and dropped it on the bed. "So you'll do it?"

"Yeah." Sirius sat down on the bed and rubbed his neck. "So… do you want to, you know, talk about this."

"Oh gee Sirius, let's. And afterward I'll braid your hair." James made a feeble reach for Sirius' straggly locks. "You'll look so pretty."

Sirius jumped off the bed. "See, this is what I get for trying to be not so…" He pointed. "Don't tell me this doesn't bother you."

"It doesn't."

"Liar. You're a bad liar."

"Whatever."

"I give up! And with that, I'm going to get some rest. But I'll leave you with one thought, in hopes that you sleep well. Tomorrow, you see Evans again. And she hates you."

"That's two things!"

Sirius turned and gave a small wave from the door. "Nighty night."

James Potter lay awake for a long time. He'd told so many lies in the last year that he had started to get used to them as reality. But now that could all end. And if Lily Evans thought that he was done hurting her, and himself, they were both sadly mistaken.

_So what do you think? The next chapter will be a flashback to when James and Lily fell in love, and I want to keep having some chapters like that. That is, if you want me to continue the story. R+R, please!_


	2. Chapter 2: August 1975

_Funny the inspiration that comes after midnight. Hope you like it!_

**Chapter 2**

_August 1975_

Lily Evans kept checking her Head Girl badge, not so much out of pride as fear that it would fall off. Her mother only had one safety pin that morning, and had tutted her daughter for not telling her sooner.

"I could have sewn it on, Lils, if you had just told me before this morning."

Petunia sat on the stairs watching. She had graduated from school earlier in the summer, but her marks had been poor enough to keep her away from higher education. The young woman spent her days as a check-out girl at a shop on the corner, disgusted with her uniform almost as much as she was disgusted with her perfect sister. "Yes, Lily darling, you really are so forgetful."

"I'm sorry, Petty, but don't you have shelving you need to do?"

"Girls please, this is a happy moment, and this family doesn't get many when we're all together." The girls shot each other a nasty look, but kept their mouths locked tight. "When you two were little girls, I had hoped that you would grow up to be friends. But if you can't manage that, then at least manage tolerance."

"Yes mother," came a surprisingly succinct pair of answers.

There was a honk from outside. "Oh the cab is here. It seems we always have to rush these goodbyes." Lily hugged both of her parents warmly, and Petunia hauled the trunk to the car.

Petunia stared at her sister. "Will you be home at the holidays?"

"I don't know." Lily put her hand on the door.

"You're going to have to choose eventually, you know."

She turned. "What now?"

Petunia crossed her arms. It was evident that it was hard for her to be saying these things. "When you graduate this summer. You're going to have to choose between this world and yours."

"I think a balance can be found."

"It's not fair, to them, to see you keep leaving."

"Look at my sister, caring about someone other then herself."

"Don't get snippy with me. Just don't. You go off and live in this fantasy world where you can play with magic. That's lovely for you. But your reality is not mine. I live here. I work for a living, at a real job. Do you know that mom rarely leaves the house? She worries about dad. He's coughing again, but won't stop smoking." 

"I'm sorry."

"They would never ask you to stay, and it's not like I really want you around. But I just wanted you to know the facts."

Lily watched her sister walk away before calling out. "This is who I am, Petty. I can't help that."

She turned. "Then you've already made your choice."

Lily saw the door to her childhood home close before the cab drive off.

There were so many fabulous reasons that Lily Potter hated the Marauders. Well, not hated so much any more as disliked. They had shown some improvement over the past year after all, even though it was minimal. Sirius was still a sneaky womanizer. Lupin was either crafting something up or looking like a bus hit him, which meant he wasn't pleasant. And that other one, Wormtail, was just flat out creepy.

And Potter, well she didn't even want to go there.

Today, waiting on the platform, the first three were proving just how their moral compasses pointed. Sirius was busy chatting up a group of naïve fourth years, the girls oblivious to just how sleazy the situation appeared to on lookers. And Remus was teaching Wormtail how to pickpocket, though the tail's snickering was almost giving them away. Now all the scene needed was a scruffy haired boy in glasses giving jinxes…

"Evans?"

Lily jumped around and came face to badge with a chest. She looked up, amazed.

"Potter? You've grown." She indicated his height.

"You too," he commented. Lily raised an eyebrow. "I mean your hair, it seems longer." There was an uncomfortable silence.

She looked over Potter again. She'd known him for years now, and it seemed like every summer he had a growth spurt and his hair became more disheveled. But new this year was the badge. "You're Head Boy?"

"You seem surprised."

Lily crossed her arms. "Can you blame me? I'd list all the reasons why you shouldn't be Head Boy, but I think that would stroke your," she coughed, "ego too much."

"Oh yes, and this smug act of yours speaks nothing of the size of your ego." He glared down at her. "Nice placement of your badge by the way. It really emphasizes your intelligence."

At that moment Sirius Black came up and slung an arm around his friend. "Ms. Evans, I hope you don't mind if I steal Potter here for a moment. I have a dilemma that only his fine eye can answer."

James gritted his teeth, "Not now."

"Oh I'm sorry, I forgot. Your eyes have already found their subject."

Lily waved her hand dismissively. "No really, he's all yours. Bye." She walked away.

James swore at himself. "Lily wait."

"Lily wait." Sirius copied, though his voice was in a noticeably female register.

James elbowed his friend hard in the chest and trotted to catch up to the young woman. "Look, this isn't how I wanted to start out."

"My does that ever sound like a line you've used a lot."

"Evans…" Lily turned around and looked at James and saw something unusual, he was being genuine. "Look, just meet with me after the Head's meeting, alright."

She considered him before answering. "Sure. But we keep the door to the compartment open."

James ended up leaving the meeting first and finding an empty cabin while Lily chatted with friends. He fell asleep waiting for her, and by the time Lily found him he was snoring. She considered Potter for a minute. For five years, the boy had been the bane of her existence, exemplifying everything that she felt a wizard should not be: overconfident and cruel. But when sixth year rolled around, and Lily and James were suddenly being placed in groups together on projects, she began to see a more calming change in the boy. She wouldn't classify their relationship now as friends, since Potter had the talent of backsliding into bad behavior if the wind changed direction. But they could manage to be civil to one to one another on occasion, and for once Lily could see the slight glimmer of hope that James Potter had the capacity to change.

And when he was like this, curled up with his glasses hopelessly messed, she could almost see why some girls thought he was so attractive. Almost, but not quite.

"Potter." He didn't move. "Potter." Nothing. Lily shook his arm gently, her voice low. "Hey Potter."

"Mom?"

"No, not exactly." Lily laughed a little, though not in a cruel way.

James straightened himself up and pushed up his glasses. "Evans? Did I just call you…?"

"I've already forgotten about it." She sat down on the bench across from him. "You must be pretty tired to crash like that. I wasn't gone for too long."

He yawned. "Yeah, well Sirius and Lupin spent the summer, and they both are night people, which I am not." 

"Me neither. How did your parents react to have three teenage boys in the house? I'd hope you didn't burn down the place."

James laughed. "No, no… close once. There were fireworks… and a house elf… he lost a finger." Her mouth twitched in a small smile. "Oh, is that a smile I see."

"No."

"Yes it was. I can't imagine you ever condoning the actions of me or my friends."

"Slight amusement does not equal condonement Potter."

"But it does show some sort of acceptance."

"Look who's gone off and become a scholar over night."

"I read, just as much as you do."

"The back of boxes of food is not literature."

James leaned forward, "Don't be so indignant. My marks are almost as good as yours." He grinned. "In fact, I think I may have edged you out of a few grades last year. Wonder how that happened?"

She learned forward as well. "The problem with miracles, Mr. Potter, is that they are not consistent. And neither are you."

"You don't know me that well."

They were locked like that, staring at one another, when they heard the giggles. Looking up Lily could see two girls staring in at them through the window, pointing. She got up immediately and said tersely, "Go cluck somewhere else," before shutting the door and closing the blinds. Who were they to ruin a perfectly good argument? "Look, why did you invite me here anyway?"

James got up and stood next to Lily. "I've been thinking."

"I hope that wasn't too painful. Did your mother make it all better?"

"Don't talk about my mother." His fists clenched tight, and Lily was about to apologize when the train rocked and rattled a little. Instinctively James grabbed for Lily, catching her around the waist with one arm, and the bar back behind her head near the ceiling with the other. The pair ended up in a dip, and both noticed that it wasn't terribly awkward to feel the other's breath on their skin. When the rattling stopped, James let go of Lily, and both diverted their eyes and smoothed their clothing. James plopped himself down and sighed, "Look Evans, all I ask for is one civil conversation, and then we can go back to, fighting, or hating each other, or whatever."

"Alright Potter," Lily said, depositing herself back across, "talk."

"We're both Heads now."

"Obviously." James gave her a look. "Sorry. Go on."

"We're both Heads now. And that means that we're going to be spending a lot more time together. Hell, we're supposed to lead our house. And I guess I just don't see how that can be done if we are constantly trying to…"

"Hurt one another?"

"Yes. That." James looked at his hands. "Like I said, I've been thinking a lot this summer. This past year in fact. And can you even remember when we started fighting?"

Lily shook her head. "No."

"Neither can I."

"I guess I just don't like what you and your band of idiots do to other people. It's cruel."

"Yeah, I'm starting to see that."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he looked back up. "Doesn't mean that I won't stop doing stupid stuff. My friends can be very persuasive. When Sirius gives me the puppy dog look…"

"If it's Black, then I think you mean the rabid stray look."

James laughed, "Probably."

They were silent for a moment. "Look Evans, the truth is that we need to coexist. We don't have to be friends, but we could be partners. I need someone to reign me in. You need someone to let you have fun, and get away with it."

"Wait, are you giving me permission to call you on your bullshit."

Potter nodded. "Think of it as a last request."

"Agreed. Besides, I could really use a strong final year to find a job after graduation."

"As could I."

"Shake on it?"

James laughed, "Evans, you need to get out more."

"And you need a leash."

"Ooh, a leash. I didn't think you swung that way."

Lily stuck out her tongue at him. "Ick." She yawned. "Your sleepiness is contagious. I think I'm just going to crash out here. What are you going to do? Go find your buds."

He stretched out on the seat a bit. "Nah, the proper debauchery doesn't really start until we arrive. I think I'll just read a book or something."

"Remember, if there are any big words, just sound them out." Lily shifted around a bit.

"Har." He reached into his trunk and grabbed an extra sweater. "Here, you can use this as a pillow."

She eyed the clothing with suspicion. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing."

"You promise."

"Promise." Satisfied Lily rolled up the sweater. "Are you always going to be this suspicious of me?"

She lay down full on the bench. "Past behavior is the best indicator of furture action."

"True. So, basically, we're screwed."

"Oh no no," Lily protested with sarcastic sleepiness, "I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship." James stared at her blankly. "Oh come on." He blinked. "Casablanca? It's a classic! Do you know anything muggle culture?"

"I know that if I wear a baseball cap I look like a tool."

Lily closed her eyes. "Well then, James Potter, it would appear that we have a lot of work to do."

With in a minute she was asleep. He feigned reading as best he could, but no paragraphs were making sense with all the looks he kept stealing in her direction. There were goose bumps on his arms. She had called him by his first name. It sounded beautiful.

And it was then that James knew for sure that he was in way over his head.

_Next time, back to 1977: James and Lily meet up again, and lies begin to unravel._


End file.
